Monthly Archives: February 2021

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Scales

My scales lie to me. If they are telling the truth, I have finally hit the 50 pound mark and I have another 110 to go…lol… but they lie. A couple of days ago they said 269. Today it’s 258. Bull! I haven’t lost 11 pounds in 2 days. They kept giving me an err message a couple of times before it finally gave me a number. I think I need a new battery…lol… it’s been a couple of years since I’ve seen that number though. When mom and Tony died, I was at 249. It then ballooned to a whopping 309+. I stopped getting on the scales when I hit 309 so that’s the highest number I saw. Anyway, I decided I had to do something about it now or I wouldn’t be seeing my grand baby grow up. I’m back to intermittent fasting and I’m already feeling better but hey, if the scales have not lied, I’m down 51 pounds. Yay!!!!

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Ad for my book

The ad for my book came out on YouTube yesterday. It turned out beautifully I think. Of course I’m biased…I have so many mixed emotions about this. I guess it is all in God’s hands now. What’s done is done and I guess I just need to hang on and wait for the backlash. I just pray that God will use it to help someone. Someday, somehow. GOD’S WILL BE DONE.

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Fear

I am so scared and can’t tell anyone. The ones who told me I should write this book now say I shouldn’t have done it. I can’t talk to anyone about my fears or my hopes. I’m afraid people will look at me differently when they know the things I’ve done. Will I see pity or shame on their faces? Will this dumb thing help anyone at all or just take away all the people I love. It is still in distribution right now and I still don’t have a release date yet, but it is looming ever so close and I’m scared and alone with my fears. I wish Tony were here. He would at least let me talk about it then he would say, ” oh mom, just get over it. What’s done is done. Now we just live with the fallout.” But at least he would let me express my fears and talk it out. I miss him.