Feelings

I am so hurt today. My book has been passed on to the editors and it is in the works. It’s too late to stop and now my baby is upset. I gave it to him to read ahead of time so he could give me his opinion but he’s been so busy redecorating his home that he hasn’t had time to read it. And I totally get that he’s been busy y’all. I mean all of his 3 bedroom house furnishings ate in the garage… I’m totally serious here. They put new flooring down and are painting it before putting everything back in and he’s working on top of that. HE’S BEEN BUSY. This book has been in the works for a long time. It’s something that people need to be made aware of. There are people plucking children off the streets, there are children being abused in their own homes. I was one of those children who was taken off the street by a stranger. I was one of those children abused in my own home. People need to know that there is life after that. You don’t have to kill yourself and you don’t have to go it alone like I did. Can you believe that my own mother had forgotten that I was kidnapped as a child until I said something about a cop stealing my dollar when I was a child.( the kidnapper had given it to me. It was evidence) but you can’t tell that to a kid, they don’t understand. I wanted THAT dollar back. But when mom thought back and remembered she said “hey but I gave you a dollar after you bugged me so long about it. ” it wasn’t the same thing though and it really hit me hard that she had forgotten it completely. Wiped it from her mind just like all of our birthdays. I used to think, what kind of mom don’t remember her children’s birthdays but then I just got over it and started telling her. ” Hey, today is so and so’s birthday” it was just mom and she was bad with dates even before the dementia. But anyway, I’m off the subject. I thought that writing a book might help someone. I didn’t want to hurt anyone especially my son. But now it’s done and I can’t take it back. Now it’s messing up his head and I’m so sorry. He never knew to what extent the abuse was I guess. I didn’t even write the worst of it. Those kind of details were just not necessary to help someone through a bad time. Just knowing someone else has felt those feelings of hopelessness and loss of innocence is enough to help someone sometimes. Anyway, it hurt to know he wanted me to put a stop to it when it was too late. Had I known even yesterday before they got the final copy, I could have stopped it. I didn’t send, as a matter of fact, my son had to send it for me because I couldn’t figure out my computer. Why didn’t he say something then? Maybe it was God’s will that it be done but I don’t want my baby or grandbaby hurt because of my childhood. Enough people have been hurt. I only wanted to help someone. God forgive if I was wrong. God help my baby understand if it was Your will. I’m so scared now.